An open letter to every one who doubts the relationship I’m in right now

Dear every one,

Respect and understand my relationship right now, because it is what I want, and I’m happy with him. Don’t badmouth him, just because he doesn’t pass the standards of “your ideal boyfriend”. If I’m going to get hurt, this is my heart, I can take care of it.

Don’t turn him into one of your case studies, because again, I’m the one who’s dating him, not you. I guess you could leave it to me to figure him out. Don’t fast track to the hurt that I might get in the future that we can’t all predict. Just let me handle that if ever.

I have trust issues. he has trust issues. We’re both haunted by past loves that broke not just our hearts, but our ideals, our souls, our entire beings; and we’re both at the moment trying to stand from the fall, both trying to piece back what’s broken inside of us. So, please.

Please allow us to be with each other, while also trying to each find our own selves apart. We are not the same people in the same stories that you’re using as patterns for the advice you give me.

We are just him and I. We’re just trying to believe that once and for all, we deserve a love that would never leave. Good things take time. And somehow, I believe that we are good together; so we are going to take all the time that we need.

Meanwhile, just let us be.


You’re my hero, so stay

You are both my hero, and my downfall.

Before that, you were just a face in a roomful of people. It’s funny how time changes things; or no, maybe people are the ones who change things. However it goes though, it doesn’t matter. You’re here now.

When you came, I didn’t know what I signed up for. I wasn’t fully aware of the effect that you, that this, would have on me. I took risks anyway. I’m a risk taker. I don’t think ahead of things. I just savor whatever the moment gives me.

Luckily, life gave me you. From the moment I had you, you’ve been giving me comfort. You give me things others wouldn’t even bother to give me. You give me time. You know me, sometimes better than I know myself. You continue to stay despite seeing the darkest, and messed up parts of me. You push me to be the best version of myself; to do things I’m not aware I’m capable of doing. You believe in me so much it starts to scare me.

It scares me that I’m too messed up to achieve the things you want for me.

It scares me that I would let you down; and when I do, you will leave me behind.

So I constantly reevaluate myself. If I’m being the person you liked in the first place. If I’m good enough for you. If I’m still the intelligent woman you believe me to be.

You see, I don’t want you to go. I can’t see you go. I don’t know what I’ll do if.

To me, you are my tattoo. Meaningful and important etched in my skin. A symbol to remind me that I chose you, because I want to. Not because I was told, or because I’ll be pretty with it.

Before you came, I didn’t know how valuable you’d be. Still, I chose you; and then you saved me. You saved me from the person I don’t deserve. You saved me from choosing the wrong decisions. You saved me from insanity when Mom was rushed to the hospital. You saved me when I wanted to die with my Mom.

You’re still saving me; from the immature woman I could turn into at times, for the bad decisions I might make.

I don’t know how it feels like to hang around me; to understand me when I’m being difficult. But somehow, you manage to do it. And you manage to teach me a lot of things, so I’d be a better person. You’re still saving me.

Every day, I ask the heavens why you came. But until now, I still can’t figure out how someone who’s as beautiful and as goodhearted as you would ever be part of my life. I know that it’s not just about saving me, it’s much more; and I know that the answers will come. At the right time, like you always said. Along with the questions, I beg the Almighty to please make you stay.

Please, love. Stay.

The Wedding

You were my love

happiness and hope

I was in cream

With a gold ribbon tied around my waist

My hair like a Greek goddess’

Speech kept in my floral gold wristband

My feet hurt for I wore my pair of 3 ½ inch heels

Those which you picked for me last year.

There you were at the altar

In a tux I meticulously chose for you

I looked at you and I felt like falling.

You wore that smile which I most love about you.

The walk down the aisle was a struggle.

I couldn’t keep my tears from falling.

At the ceremony, I remembered

How we met

How we fooled around

How we fought over little things

How you turned into my sunshine, and I into your angel

How far we’ve gone

You hurt me, a lot of times

I love you, still.

I heard you said “I do”

I heard the priest said “You may kiss the bride”

I heard everyone cheered and clapped and said congratulations.

Then I heard glass clings,

I was asked to give my speech

In that moment, I forgot of what I wrote

That speech that took me forever to finish

All that came out was

“Congratulations to you and your bride”.