You are both my hero, and my downfall.
Before that, you were just a face in a roomful of people. It’s funny how time changes things; or no, maybe people are the ones who change things. However it goes though, it doesn’t matter. You’re here now.
When you came, I didn’t know what I signed up for. I wasn’t fully aware of the effect that you, that this, would have on me. I took risks anyway. I’m a risk taker. I don’t think ahead of things. I just savor whatever the moment gives me.
Luckily, life gave me you. From the moment I had you, you’ve been giving me comfort. You give me things others wouldn’t even bother to give me. You give me time. You know me, sometimes better than I know myself. You continue to stay despite seeing the darkest, and messed up parts of me. You push me to be the best version of myself; to do things I’m not aware I’m capable of doing. You believe in me so much it starts to scare me.
It scares me that I’m too messed up to achieve the things you want for me.
It scares me that I would let you down; and when I do, you will leave me behind.
So I constantly reevaluate myself. If I’m being the person you liked in the first place. If I’m good enough for you. If I’m still the intelligent woman you believe me to be.
You see, I don’t want you to go. I can’t see you go. I don’t know what I’ll do if.
To me, you are my tattoo. Meaningful and important etched in my skin. A symbol to remind me that I chose you, because I want to. Not because I was told, or because I’ll be pretty with it.
Before you came, I didn’t know how valuable you’d be. Still, I chose you; and then you saved me. You saved me from the person I don’t deserve. You saved me from choosing the wrong decisions. You saved me from insanity when Mom was rushed to the hospital. You saved me when I wanted to die with my Mom.
You’re still saving me; from the immature woman I could turn into at times, for the bad decisions I might make.
I don’t know how it feels like to hang around me; to understand me when I’m being difficult. But somehow, you manage to do it. And you manage to teach me a lot of things, so I’d be a better person. You’re still saving me.
Every day, I ask the heavens why you came. But until now, I still can’t figure out how someone who’s as beautiful and as goodhearted as you would ever be part of my life. I know that it’s not just about saving me, it’s much more; and I know that the answers will come. At the right time, like you always said. Along with the questions, I beg the Almighty to please make you stay.
Please, love. Stay.