I make others really happy. I should know. They always tell me. Sometimes, I think that I only exist because I’m obliged to make things happen for other people so that they would smile and feel the best feeling they could ever feel. Well of course not in forever, but even for just a particular moment in their lives. I once read that people would forget what you told them or gave them but they won’t forget how you made them feel. This is where I come in, always.
I’ve been a cheerful giver. Not in the sense that I lure people by giving them material things. It’s just that I love giving others what they want. They need not ask me. I give wholeheartedly. And I do not ever ask for anything in return. I don’t understand but I gain my own sense of happiness when I see that others become happy because of me.
But until when would I do this? Until when would I act as if I’m everybody’s Genie? Until when would I dream for someone to make me happy, really happy, in return?
I knocked thrice like I always do whenever I come. You opened the door for me like you always do whenever you hear my arrival. There’s something in the way you let me in the room. I always notice that. You opening the door for me gives me a certain kind of happiness which I can’t quite understand. It’s like it makes me feel a tingling sensation more than my actual stay. But today was somehow different. Well like always, I looked forward to seeing you. I immediately fixed myself when you sent me that message telling me to come over. But unlike the tingling giddiness I used to feel, I had mixed emotions instead when you opened the door. Instead of seeing your smiling welcoming handsome face, I saw complete darkness, and for quite a while I just stood there paralyzed thinking if I should enter. I adjusted my eyeglasses to see clearly who was there, then I heard your voice telling me to come in. Even with a doubt, I stepped in the room. Although I haven’t stepped farther because I couldn’t see in the dark and I might trip over your dog or something, so I just stood there. I heard you closed the door. Then I felt you standing behind me. I didn’t know how close you were but I felt your breath on my neck. My heart was pounding and different thoughts were having a swimming tournament in my head. One that stood out was telling me that I was not ready for what was coming.
I felt the heat that was consuming the small distance between us. I dropped my bag on the floor and faced you. We were relying on just air and sound. I felt my head in a rush and as if someone yelled “action!” you removed my eyeglasses and suddenly pulled me towards you, your left arm on my back and your right hand at the back of my neck, your lips kissing me with passion and intensity, while I held onto your shoulders for support. Suddenly, the thoughts left, leaving me with only confusion and excitement. You pinned me to what felt like the door, carefully unbuttoned my shirt and started kissing my throat down to the small dip at the base of my neck. I pulled off your shirt and felt your muscles tensed with my touch. Next thing I knew you were kissing my shoulders and I couldn’t think of anything but your face and your scent and the way you sing. I didn’t know how it happened so fast but we were suddenly on the couch, you sitting and me sitting on top of you, while we kissed and felt each other. Then we switched, you laid me and positioned yourself on top of me. My heart was pounding so fast it might’ve jumped out of my chest if it could’ve because I knew what was coming next. Then I suddenly felt so cold and so hot at the same time, I couldn’t think straight anymore. I felt you struggling between my legs, trying so hard to let yourself in my wholeness. I gasped for air. It felt sore and painful and sweet all at once. Then I felt your lips enveloping mine again. I held onto your left shoulder and had your hair tangled in my right hand. I kissed you back gently while we straddled and made sweet noises. We didn’t stop until I felt hot sticky liquid unsure it that was yours or mine. You pulled out and collapsed that I felt your full weight on top of me. I held you in my arms, not wanting that moment to end.
The swimming tournament of thoughts in my head resumed. I was no longer clean I thought. I gripped the strap of my bag tighter and cursed in my head. Then the lights went on making it clear for me to see that you were still in your clothes and I was still there in the spot where I chose to stand just a few seconds ago. Then you gave me printed materials and instructed me on what to do with them. I thanked you, chat and complained a little bit about my boss and the lousy work days I was having at the moment, thanked you again, and said my good bye. When I was out the door, I clapped my forehead in disappointment that I didn’t get even just the kiss.
I remember the first time I stepped into that small office. You sat there in front of your computer in silence too busy editing stuff and I didn’t care because I was too worried about my newspaper which, of course, was a task that wasn’t yours to manage. Days later, when I returned, you opened the door for me and right then and there I realized how handsome and manly you are. I didn’t entertain the thought though. But after days of coming to and fro, I think that there are some things I want to tell you which are:
1. You’re really handsome and fit;
2. You have such an amazing lovely voice (which I already told you except the lovely part);
3. I want to get to know you more;
4. Please sing for me;
5. I want to spend some time with you;
6. I wish that you’ll be the one to edit for me forever;
7. I’m being a hypocrite if I don’t admit that being your girlfriend crossed my mind;
8. How do you see me as a person?;
9. I’m thinking of making a cover for you; and
10. You really make me happy whenever I see you.